It’s been a while since I rapped at y’all, but I had something that I’ll be sharing with you over the course of the next few months, called…

Player Skill Assessments

This part is pretty dry, so you can skip ahead if you just want to see what the results are.

Basically this whole project came into being when I was watching a Red Sox game where Julio Lugo seemed to destroy everything he touched, like some sort of reverse Midas (everything he touched turned to shit). Someone I was talking to at the time, Tom, asked if Lugo was the most useless player in the history of baseball, to which I answered in the affirmative.

The next morning, I got to thinking…is he even the most useless player on the Red Sox? I mean, his paycheck keeps him in the lineup, but if they made the same amount of money, wouldn’t he still start over Cora? How good or bad is he given that shortstops in the American League hit somewhere at the level of your really good Little League player (you know, the kid that’s shaving at age 12, and when he’s not playing SS, he’s pitching faster than any Little Leaguer should, terrifying Johnny who would rather be doing anything but playing Little League? I digress)?

So after some thought, and some reading, I figured 13 “skills”…real quick metrics that are both easy to figure out, and tell you something very straight forward. Then I broke them into three categories…at bat, strike zone management, and on the bases. These 13 skills (I’m not quoting the whole time, keep in mind that skills is just the best word I could think of) were then compared to the league average at the position he played. So, if Lugo was truly the worst player to ever be formed by carbon, he would at least show up to be solidly below average against his exact contemporaries.

As it turns out, Lugo is pretty good at some things, bad at others. Egg on my face, yo.

The thirteen skills are:
At bat:
Batting average
On base percentage
Slugging percentage
I assume you know what these are; otherwise I’d doubt you would be reading this blog.
Iso – Slugging with singles removed
BABIP – Batting average on balls in play (the assumption being that hitters have some control over this, based on being the ones that actually put the ball in play)
Contact rate – This is the percentage of plate appearances where the hitter actually puts in ball in play. Having a low contact rate in and of itself isn’t a bad thing, but the trend is very important. In this exercise, I include the league average just for context, more than something that tells us anything important about the players’ skill set. But I will include pretty graphs!

Strike Zone management
BB% - This is unintentional walk rate with hit by pitches added in. The reason that I include HBP is that there is some evidence that certain hitters tend to absorb more pitches than others, and it’s not just because the hitter is a jerk. I mean, look at Craig Biggio.
K% - Fairly straight forward
K: BB – Strikeouts per walk. This is also fairly straight forward…remember, high numbers are bad!

On the bases
R/TOB – Runs scored as a percentage of times on base. This doesn’t really recognize a repeatable skill per se. Runs are as much individual function as team, but slow and bad base runners really don’t score as much as fast/good ones. League average is important here.
Spd – Bill James’ speed score. It’s found in the 1987 Baseball Abstract, and basically puts five speed factors (stolen base%, stolen base frequency, runs, triples, and avoiding double plays) on a 10 point scale and averaged. Its name is kind of a misnomer, as it doesn’t measure speed as much as the player’s ability to make use of his speed.
SB% - Stolen base percentage
Sb.tob – Frequency of stolen base attempts. This doesn’t measure much except the percentage of times the player decides to run for the hills

This isn’t meant to do anything analytical other than to create a type of profile for the player. There are 100’s of others I might have included, but didn’t…but I’m satisfied with what I have for right now. Without further ado…

Jason Varitek and the Red Sox catchers

I mean, they totally suck, right?

Well, Kevin Cash has had a history of being just awful, but Varitek has been a little different. His history with the Red Sox is almost as long as time (he made his MLB debut with the Sox in 1997 when he was 25), so there is a certain segment of the population don’t realize there were Red Sox catchers before Varitek.

After three years of perfectly meh baseball, he broke his elbow in 2001 diving for a popup that knocked him out for the season. Unfortunately, this was right as he was starting to reach his potential as a hitter, and was one of the most productive catchers with the bat in baseball.

The next season he was still recovering, and in 2003, he broke out, having his first really good full season of his career. Hitting 9th over 50% of the time.

This is where the story becomes interesting…Jason Varitek became a masterful handler of the pitching staff! Between winning the World Series, being named captain, and hiring the PR firm of Francona and Schilling, Varitek became more of an entity…praised for his defensive prowess (winning a Gold Glove in 2005) despite not being able to throw at all (seriously, check his SB numbers…it wasn’t all Derek Lowe’s fault). A Cult of Personality was built around Varitek, to the point that in 05-07, he wasn’t hitting much, and was still called one of the most valuable catchers in baseball.

Whatever…my theory is that he does do a lot of homework, but there is no objective evidence that he makes pitchers better (which isn’t to say he doesn’t, just no one really knows if he does), and the only reason why he was given the praise he was for his defense was because of his offense (middling catchers never get praise, the great hitters, and the terrible ones do, with the later because there needs to be some reason to keep them in the lineup if they can’t hit their weight).

Sorry for the digression…but Kevin Cash’s awfulness is well documented and is easy to recognize without this exercise. Varitek is a little trickier, because his reputation is so good, and he’s getting old. A few years ago (when he signed the 4yr/$40 million contract), I found that there were just no catchers that even caught at age 36, let alone didn’t have a steep decline. I think the only ones I could really find were Bill Dickey and Carlton Fisk or something like that…either way the number wasn’t very high. Varitek is the benefit of modernized training and such, and with an iconic reputation…which is never easy to let go. It’s important to put into context what Varitek actually brings to the ball club.

At Bat

The reddish color means below league average.

Without much of a surprise, the two men managing the tools of ignorance for the Red Sox just aren’t hitting a lot. Cash probably wouldn’t be able to homer if he was playing baseball in a silo (or if Juan Cruz threw the ball 1,000 miles an hour down the middle), but at the very least, it looks like Varitek’s negative rates are on the shoulders of a low batting average.

Unfortunately, his batting average is almost 20% below were the league’s catchers (not exactly known for their hitting prowess) are hitting. What’s more troubling is his contact rate.

Now, I said earlier (in case you skipped) that a low contact rate, even compared to league, isn’t bad…it just means you walk, and strike out a lot. Where Varitek’s true offensive horror lies not in a low batting average or a low contact rate, but in a steady contact rate that hasn’t been able to stop his batting average from bottoming out.

Look at Varitek’s trend throughout his career…

His contact rate isn’t significantly lower than it ever has been…so there isn’t evidence that his bat has slowed to the point that he’s being overmatched. There is evidence that once he makes contact, the ball just isn’t going many places other than into a fielder’s mitt. His BABIP is low, which could either mean luck, or not being able to hit the ball hard enough on the line to make outs into singles.

One “good” sign is that Tek’s isolated slugging is still above average, even if it’s not as high as it was in his 03-05 peak.

Strike Zone Management

I’ve always wondered why catcher’s walk and strike out rates were so poor. I think it is because the physical demands of the position are so overwhelming that it completely mitigates their more intimate knowledge of the strike zone

Consistent with Red Sox offensive policy, both Cash and Varitek can take a walk. They also strike out a lot (which leads to their low contact rates), but it has the added benefit of making the opposing pitcher work and saving their legs for more important things like squatting. One unspoken downside to making right turns to the dugout is that it leads to more bench time, which leaves one susceptible to the hot foot, among other pranks.

On the bases

I know Varitek used to be able to run, but he doesn’t much anymore. His run rate is pretty horrifying, but it gets better when you notice that he generally hits in front of Crisp (.434 slug), Lugo (.338 slug) and Ellsbury (.385 slug). Still, his run rate is the lowest among Red Sox regulars, and if not for Alex Cora, it would be the lowest on the team. That includes Sean Casey’s glacial ass.

He’s 36 years old, and any thought of being John Waltham is long gone…there are a lot of miles on his legs, so it’s not so much “He runs well for a catcher” as much as “Hey Bill, Tek doesn’t need a wheelchair yet”. Francona has as much do to with Varitek and Cash being anchored to first when they get there as they catchers themselves do.

Outlook
Varitek has always been streaky, but he’s looked awful at the plate for the last two months. What was a foregone conclusion at the beginning of the off-season…re-signing Varitek…should now be discussed in a good amount of detail. Is it worth paying Varitek $5 million a year to hit .220 when you could pay George Kottaras $400k to hit .210?

Either way, there isn’t any better internal option, with Cash being worse with the bat or seems to be happy in his “work once a week chasing after the goddamn knuckleball” role. Kottaras and Dusty Brown aren’t nearly good enough to jettison Cash and relegate Varitek to the bench.

Truthfully, the Red Sox have no option for 2008…they have to pray that this is bottom right now, and that Varitek is gearing up for one of his .300/.410/.520 stretches and have it last for more than 7 games or so (like his last one did). The real danger of Varitek is that he’s going to hit just well enough to justify a multi-year contract, and we have to watch the death spasms of a pretty good career play out on a Red Sox team that is rebuilding the offense that has so long centered on Manny Ramirez.

Unless you’ve been holed up in a secret cave near the Afghanistan-Pakistan border, you’ve undoubtedly heard about Manny Ramirez shoving Red Sox traveling secretary Jack McCormick to the ground in a spat over an unreasonable ticket request.

Here’s the story from Sean McAdam.

My take on the situation:

First and foremost, Manny was being childish.

Making a demand and then throwing a tantrum when the demand is deemed unreasonable is the act of a child.  But, we all knew about these tendencies from day one, right?  Sometimes the childish behavior manifests itself in cute, fuzzy media-friendly episodes, like Manny wearing his MP3 player in the field or Manny high-fiving fans during a live play.   Alas, sometimes it’s not a story we want to hear about.  Sometimes it’s a trade demand, sometimes it’s a clubhouse spat with Curt Schilling or Kevin Youkilis, or even Jack McCormick.

Which brings me to my next point: the nature of the scuffle/shove/whatever it was.  None of us know.  Only Manny, McCormick, and the handful of witnesses know how this all really went down.  McAdam’s story was purposefully vague, as he wasn’t there when it happened.  We do not know what was said between the two, we do not know how hard  McCormick fell or if the force from the shove was the sole cause of McCormick’s fall.

What I do know is that a lot of people are focusing on the guy’s age (early sixties), when it really shouldn’t matter.  From what I hear, the guy isn’t exactly a helpless weakling, even though I’ve heard some talk radio callers liken the guy to Tiny Tim (crutch, not ukulele). Even still, Manny was wrong to put his hands on another human being.

That being said, the nature of the reactions from McCormick and the Red Sox organization leads me to believe that the situation wasn’t as volatile as we may have thought.  Manny apologized, McCormick shrugged it off, Terry Francona called it a closed case, and that’s it.  Had Manny Ramirez really “attacked” this guy, I really don’t think we’d be seeing such a vanilla reaction from the rest of the team, including Manny’s teammates.

My guess is (and this is only a guess with no evidence to back it up) that Manny “took care” of Jack McCormick after this whole fiasco.  Of course Manny apologized, but I’m also thinking an exchange of assets of some sort accompanied that apology.   This is the way things are sometimes handled in the clubhouse.

If McCormick is fine with it, we should also be fine with it.

Now that we are exactly halfway through the 2008 regular season, we’re starting to get a clear picture of the contenders and pretenders in baseball this year. After a the Defending Champions had a tough week in Houston, the American League power struggle is once again up in the air.

This is a day we never thought we would see. Pigs are flying, hell is frozen, ect.

The Tampa Bay Rays, the runt of the American League litter throughout the past 10 years, are now the best team in Major League Baseball.

1) Tampa Bay Rays
Remember how every year we would take a peek at the Rays’ minor league system and say to ourselves “Man, someday this team is going to be pretty good”? Well, “someday” sneaked up on us. “Someday” has kicked in our back door at 3 AM, crept into our kitchen, killed our dog, stolen the cash out of our safe, and kidnapped our children.

2) Chicago Cubs
One of the toughest 1-8 lineups in baseball continues to hit, as Geovany Soto and Kosuke Fukudome battle for Rookie of the Year honors. If not for suffering a sweep at the hands of the team mentioned above, America’s most lovable losers would be #1.

3) St. Louis Cardinals
Just as we thought Albert Pujols was starting to come down to Earth in 2007, he answers by embarking on a career year in 2008. (.356/.483/.640, and a career-high 197 OPS+)

4) Boston Red Sox
Interleague Play was not kind to the World Champions. But, hey, I won’t complain. *cough cough* Bad idea from the beginning *cough cough* Selig you donkey, end it now *cough cough*. In all seriousness, when we watch our morbidly obese pitcher hurt himself on a swing, it’s pretty clear that the National League teams have a slight advantage in terms of training and familiarity.

5) Philadelphia Phillies
Despite holding a mere 1 game lead in the NL East, the Phillies have one of the best Pythagorean records in the league, and their bullpen has been the best in baseball thus far. Brad Lidge has his career completely turned around after a rough couple of years in Houston, and the Phillies’ relievers have a total ERA of 2.67, holding batters to .238/.322/.344.

6) Chicago White Sox
Say what you want about GM Kenny Williams, the man absolutely fleeced Texas for pitcher John Danks, currently the White Sox best performing starter of 2008. To be fair, the Rangers have always had a certain blind spot when it comes to evaluating pitching talent, but credit goes to Williams for spotting this and attacking like a hawk on a baby rabbit.

7) New York Yankees
Their record isn’t terribly impressive, but at this point NY is the sleeping giant of the league. Robinson Cano has to be expected to hit at some point this year, and Joba Chamberlain is answering the skeptics with a 1.80 ERA during his brief time as a starter.

8) Los Angeles Angels
They’ve been outperforming their Pythagorean record all season long, but they’ve created a little cushion for themselves in doing this. This team is probably better than their Pythag, and should continue to win now that their offense is heating up. Vladimir Guerrero (remember him?) is hitting .395/.447/.671 in June.

9) Minnesota Twins
There have been a few Cinderella stories in the league so far. This is the one nobody is talking about. Their starting rotation could use a boost, after opposing hitters have spanked them to the tune of .296/.334/.460. Unfortunately, that boost may not come from Francisco Liriano as hoped; he is getting destroyed in the minor leagues.

10) Oakland A’s
Earlier this year, I commented that Oakland’s rotation was possibly the worst in baseball, and especially lamented the fact that they would be relying on Justin Duchscherer, a career relief pitcher, to start 30 games this year. Of course, I was absolutely horribly wrong. “Duke” currently leads the league in ERA+ and WHIP. We’ll see if it lasts, but for now, I’ll sit here quietly with my dunce cap firmly fastened on my thick skull.
.

Jacoby Ellsbury: .275/.352/.388, 34 SBs (89%), 5.8 RC/G, “+” CF Defense

Coco Crisp: .271/.311/.438, 12 SBs (80%), 4.6 RC/G, “+” CF Defense

Earlier in the season, I questioned the popular opinion that Jacoby Ellsbury was a slam dunk to have a better overall season in CF than Coco Crisp.  The rookie immediately set off on the task of making me look foolish, taking the league by storm in April and nearly setting a record for consecutive SBs by a rookie.

He has since come down to Earth a bit after struggling a bit in June (.262 /.276/.333.), but overall, he has clearly outplayed Coco Crisp in 2008.

With David Ortiz finally swinging a bat and poised to return to the lineup in a couple of weeks, one of our two flashy outfielders is about to lose some serious playing time.  At this time, I’d like to backtrack a bit, and say that I prefer Jacoby Ellsbury get the majority of the playing time when Papi returns.

My main reason for this flip-flop: plate discipline.  It’s a trait that Coco never really possessed throughout his entire career, and Jacoby Ellsbury seems to have a taste for it.  He’s still going to have some rough spells (that .276 OBP in June is troubling), but overall, he’s a better bet to reach base than Crisp.  Factor in the 90% SB rate, and Ellsbury becomes an excellent lead-off option for any Major League team.

Another reason: the guy needs playing time to improve.  His ultimate ceiling is pretty high, and at this point the franchise would be best served by letting him play, letting him learn the tendencies of American League pitchers, and letting him get acclimated to the grind of a full season.   

Jason Varitek had a key hit in last night’s come-from-behind victory against the Diamondbacks, and quite honestly, it was about freaking time.

Including last night, Varitek is hitting a microscopic .133/.200/.193 in his last 90 plate appearances, a span of 24 games.  Meanwhile, a contract decision must be made at the end of the season, as ‘Tek will be a free agent for 2009.

While there aren’t a ton of feasible catching options around the major leagues (unless the team wishes to part with some of their top young players), here’s some food for thought:

Dusty Brown, who has been splitting the catching duties with George Kottaras in Pawtucket, is hitting .282/.390/.474 with excellent defense, albeit in limited playing time.   He also hit for a respectable .797 OPS in Portland in 2007.

Could we be looking at an inexpensive 1-year stop gap?

Not surprisingly, the struggling Red Sox offense was no match for Danny Haren’s Patchouli Ball. I still have a few questions from last night’s game:

Question 1) Why was Haren removed after 98 pitches? Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to see it as a Red Sox fan, and Boston nearly made Arizona pay for this in the 8th inning. But, why? I mean, sure, he was approaching the dreaded 100-pitch mark, and everyone knows that a pitcher contracts instant syphilis after throwing over 100 pitches. Other than that, why would Bob Melvin remove Haren in a 2-run game when he clearly could go another inning or two? The increasing micro-managing of pitchers is a disturbing trend…

Question 2) Why is Brandon Lyon good? I’m not asking this in a snarky rhetorical tone, but I am genuinely curious as someone who is definitely not trained as a scout or talent evaluator. I watched the guy pitch extensively during his brief stint with Boston, and while he had his moments here, he did not strike me as a guy who I’d like to see pitching high-leverage innings.

Lyon’s career K/9 rate of 5.55 is not impressive at all, his 2.65 BB/9 is decent but not earth-shattering, and his stuff is slightly above average at best (according to everything I’ve read). Yet, here he is with the franchise record for consecutive scoreless innings, and an ERA of 2.58 since 2007. The Moyer Effect strikes again?

The Moyer Effect
-noun

1. The phenomenon by which the Boston Red Sox discard pitchers of seemingly marginal talent, only to have them become stars or prosperous regulars on their new teams.  Named after 71-year-old pitcher Jamie Moyer.

Other recent examples of The Moyer Effect:

Jeff Suppan
J.C. Romero
Ron Mahay
Rudy Seanez
Brandon Lyon
David Riske

…and yes, Joel Pineiro.  Old Friend Joel, who Boston traded to St. Louis mid-season for a few cases of jock straps and Gold Bond.   Joel, who had a 5.03 ERA in the Boston bullpen, and a 3.96 ERA in the St. Louis rotation after his trade.  Joel, whose claim to fame during his time with the Sox was his ownership of the most often misspelled last name on the roster.

Even after the Sox were predictably shut down by The Moyer Effect, an excruciating  Papelbon blown-save, and 13 innings without a hit with men in scoring position (including 3 straight innings where the Sox failed to score after lead-off doubles), they amazingly came away with the win.

This game was one of the most frustrating Red Sox games I have ever watched in my 20 years of fandom.   The fact that it is in the “W” column is astounding, and hopefully the team can build off of their good fortunes as they face a tough Arizona Diamondbacks squad this week.

Interesting pitcher’s duel tonight:

Josh Beckett (3.87 ERA, 9.31 K/9, 5.24 K/BB) versus Danny “Dirty Hippie” Haren (3.26 ERA, 8.72 K/9, 5.25 K/BB).   Hopefully the offense will be ready to fend off Haren’s patented pitch, the “Patchouli Ball”, which I’m not even sure is legal, to be honest.

This is from the man himself on a WEEI interview, so I don’t have a link at the moment.

Curt will have shoulder surgery, and will not pitch this season. Dr. Morgan will perform the procedure in Philadelphia on Monday afternoon. Schilling admits that there is a good chance that he has thrown his last pitch.

While Curt definitely left the door open for a comeback in his comments, he sounded very much like he was giving his own eulogy in the interview with The Dennis & Callahan Show this morning. He sounded like a guy who was ready to do something else.

If his career is indeed over, he finishes with the following numbers:

• 216 Wins, 146 Losses
• 3261 Innings
• 3.46 ERA (127 ERA+)
• 3116 K
• 711 BB
• His 4.38 K/BB ratio is the best in modern baseball history, just ahead of Pedro Martinez
• 6 All-Star Games
• 3 World Championships
• 1 World Series MVP
• 10-2, 2.23 ERA in 133.1 postseason innings

He belongs in Cooperstown.

Jon Lester is currently in a state which athletes sometimes refer to as “The Zone”. In his last 8 starts, he has averaged 2.13 walks per 9 innings. His average on the season is 3.55.

As I mentioned here, an average of 3.55 BB/9 shouldn’t really be a surprise for Jon, as he was typically in that ballpark before his health issues arose in 2006.

It’s been proven over time that pitchers can improve their control and command, as there are dozens of examples of guys who walked too many hitters early in their career and improved those numbers thereafter. Could Lester be one of those guys?

He’s making more use out of his cut fastball. He’s learning how to induce more ground balls rather than trying to pitch around hitters. We’re witnessing a guy who is making adjustments and beginning to adapt to the Major League level.

As a result, he has been one of the best pitchers in the American League this year.

I remember watching the developing news story on TV, absolutely numb. Reggie Lewis, heir to Larry Bird’s franchise player crown, had just died unexpectedly. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, it was at that moment that I began to lose interest in the Boston Celtics.

With Reggie’s death came a prolonged period of futility for our basketball team, one which would cause many fans to lose touch with the green and white. I was one of them.

In my youth, the C’s had always been my #2 team, a distant #2 behind the Red Sox, but a strong enthusiasm nonetheless. Sadly, other things began to occupy my mind. College and the miraculous combination of alcohol and uninhibited co-eds, the resurgent New England Patriots, stealing music on this new thing called “World Wide Web”. The Celtics became an afterthought for me.

By the time Rick Pitino was in the midst of his ill-fated tenure, I was barely watching at all. This lasted up until the beginning of this year, when I shamelessly jumped back on the bandwagon after the acquisition of the two stars who would combine with Paul Pierce to form “The Big Three”.

My hat goes off to the fans who did what I could not. The fans who have stuck by this team through the Dino Radja years, the Jiri Welsch years, the years of watching lottery balls in desperation.

This one is yours.

The most prolific franchise in the history of the NBA has added a seventeenth notch to their belt.

New England teams are currently dominating the three major American sports. This is like nothing ever witnessed here since the Pilgrims landed, and we may not witness an era like this again. We are in the Golden Age of Boston sports. Savor it.

The best part about this blog entry: I am writing it midway through the third quarter of Game Six.

One is a 42-year-old reliever with a 7.06 ERA, pitching for a first-place team which will be making a roster decision very soon. The other is a 24-year-old singer who has more narcotics coursing through her than the shipping lanes between Miami and Columbia.

Winehouse, a favorite on death pools across the western world, was recently hospitalized after fainting.

Timlin, a favorite of hitters on opposing teams, causes me to faint whenever I watch the other team do a conga line around the bases.

The death watch on Mike Timlin’s career continues. As of yesterday, the situation has been downgraded from “fair” to “serious”. After his abomination of a performance last night, allowing the game to get out of reach by yielding 4 runs on 4 hits and 2 walks, hitters are now .322/.396/.522 against the crafty right hander. He walks 1 batter for every strikeout, and his hit rate is at a career high.

Meanwhile, in Lehigh Valley, Daisuke Matsuzaka had a successful rehab start for the Pawtucket Red Sox. Justin Masterson, who has been extremely impressive at the MLB level, is the safest bet to be demoted to make room for Dice-K. The problem is, Masterson would be perfect for Timlin’s role: right-handed late-inning reliever. It would help his development by limiting his innings total while allowing him to gain MLB experience, and it would help the team by improving the bullpen immensely.

It’s a long shot (I’ve discussed Timlin’s sacred cow status before), but the possibility that Timlin soon finds himself the “odd man out” is there. So, which will happen first? Winehouse playing in The Great Gig in the Sky, or Timlin getting the awkward call into Terry Francona’s office? Odds are even money at this point.

___________________________________________________

A quick note about the Boston Celtics, who are on the verge of a World Championship with two chances to win one game at home.

They have never lost two consecutive games at home all season.

Here’s hoping they wrap this up tonight.

Bare with me while I switch gears for a moment.

The Boston Celtics, a team that was #1 in the minds and hearts of New England two decades ago, have a chance to accomplish something that has not happened in over 20 years in Boston. Something that I have never personally witnessed on live-television.

It’s something that the New England Patriots, in all of their recent glory, have not accomplished (and will never accomplish, unless a drastic change in NFL policy is implemented). The Boston Red Sox haven’t done it since Germany was ruled by a Kaiser.

This Tuesday, the 2007-2008 Boston Celtics can win a championship on their home court. In Boston, at the Garden. I’ve never seen a home Boston crowd react to a championship on live television, so I’m rather looking forward to this.

Back to the Olde Towne Team, who visited Cincinnati for the first time in 23 years. My lasting impression is this: the Reds’ ballpark is ridiculous. “Ridiculous” as in: it should be hosting a stickball league, not a Major League Baseball team. This is the first time I’ve actually sat down and watched a game at the pygmy park in Cincinnati, and the entire weekend made me dubious of Adam Dunn’s fearsome power numbers.

Dunn, the Reds’ gargantuan slugger, has occasionally been mentioned in trade rumors involving Boston during the past few seasons. However, just something to ponder:

• Dunn at G.A.P.: 1 HR every 14 plate appearances, .563 SLG %
• Dunn on road: 1 HR every 19 plate appearances, .494 SLG %

(career numbers)

As you would expect, he is still a decent slugger away from home, but his numbers are boosted quite a bit by the little league dimensions in Cincy.

Since the injury to David Ortiz at the end of last month, J.D. Drew has had an OPS of 1.789.

He ranks:

3rd in AL Batting Average (.324)
2nd in AL OBP (.430)
4th in AL SLG % (.562)
2nd in AL OPS+ (163)

And he does it all despite multiple reports that he has no cardiovascular organs, and an inability to display fire (because, most humans have the ability to do this, such as young Drew Barrymore for example). I can only imagine what he’d be doing if the Good Lord had blessed this guy with a ticker.

You know who would have made a terrific baseball player? Sam Kinison. I mean, with all the coke and crank and crack and everything else he put into his body on a regular basis, you just know the guy’s heart was enlarged. It must have been the size of a porterhouse steak. If only the guy had picked up a bat, he probably would have racked up about 500 Win Shares before his accident.

You know who else would have been an inner circle Hall of Famer? Xiuhtecuhtli. You know, the Aztec god of fire? My boy Xuitec would be hitting .400 right now, with all of his…fire. He’d have more fire than Paul O’Neill flying a napalm mission with Thurman Munson’s plane. The Red Sox Latin American scouts should all be fired (no pun intended) for not even inviting him to the baseball academy. They probably could have signed him for cheap, too. There might have been an age deception issue, however. Xiuhtecuhtli claims to be 17 years old, but there are rumors that he’s actually 1,200.

According to the Providence Journal, Curt Schilling threw 40 pitches off a mound yesterday.  The plan is to have him throw again on Friday in Cincinnati, and then have him face live hitters if the Friday session goes well.

It is what it is.  He’s an aging right hander who relies on a four-seam fastball.  He’s lost a ton of velocity over the past two years, but can still get by on location, albeit with a much smaller margin for error.

When he does some back, it will be good to have an extra arm available.  It always is.  The $64,000 question becomes whether or not the 2008 Red Sox are better off with him starting games over the likes of Justin Masterson, Bartolo Colon, or Jon Lester (assuming Dice-K, Beckett, and Wakefield are all healthy at that point).

Speaking of Curt, I can’t help but agree with him in his palpable hatred of Kobe Bryant.  There is not one 2 minute stretch in these games where he is not complaining to the officials or bitching at a teammate.  We all know Kevin Youkilis is vocal in his complaints with officiating, but he’s Hellen Keller compared to The Colorado Kid.

In general, the Baltimore Orioles have proven to be a bit more pesky than all of us predicted this season.   The Sox are now 3-4 against Baltimore after a tough loss at home last night.

Hideki Okajima has a 2.89 ERA, but it has to be the loudest 2.89 ERA in baseball history at this point.  Not only has he had great difficulty allowing inherited runners from scoring, now he at least has the courtesy to let his own runners score.   Okajima has a 7.20 ERA in his last 10 games, with opponents hitting .293/.362/.439 against him.

Hey, at this point, anything we get from the guy is gravy.  Nothing was really expected of him when he was acquired before 2007, and he became a very key piece in a World Championship season.  If what we are seeing here is the carriage turning into a pumpkin, that’s unfortunate, but we can’t expect to ride this guy forever.

The Red Sox offense is another story.  How’s this for wacky: the Red Sox have scored 5.6 runs per game since David Ortiz went down with a bum wrist, compared to 5.0 runs per game with him on the roster.  The reasons? Our two corner outfielders, Manny Ramirez and J.D. Drew.

Since the injury to David Ortiz:

Ramirez: .433/.514/.967
Drew: .517/.615/1.207 (!)

Both of these guys are sometimes criticized for…whatever, I’m not going to get into it.  Let the evidence show that they are clearly stepping up, big time.

• This month will be the last of the Hazel Mae’s tenure on NESN.  The buxom anchorwoman has been a fixture here since 2004, and has made quite a name for herself since migrating from the frigid wasteland that is Toronto.  We’ve all heard the arguments for eye-candy versus intelligent analysis when rating television sports anchors.  At the risk of sounding like a meat head, my taste falls firmly in the “eye-candy” camp (there’s plenty of other avenues to gain insight on sports).  Here’s hoping Hazel is replaced by someone with similar…qualifications.
• Congratulations to Ken Griffey Jr. on #600.  He’s gone about it relatively quietly, but there is an argument to be made that he is the best player in baseball history, depending on how you gauge the talent from the 1950’s, 1920’s, ect.
• Infield prospect Jed Lowrie is back in Pawtucket and has picked up where he left off with the bat, hitting .298/.392/.488 on the year, and .400 in his last 10 games.  Meanwhile, Julio Lugo’s OPS+ is down to 82…
• Another prospect on the rise: former 1st Round pick Jason Place.  After a miserable 2007 debut, the outfielder is absolutely combustible in Lancaster right now, hitting .469/.564/.906 in the month of June.
• The Projo updates us on a couple of convalescing Sox: Daisuke Matsuzaka was throwing long-toss and Jacoby Ellsbury took batting practice with no problems.
• Just a reminder, today’s game begins 1 hour early, at 6:05 PM.   Something about a hoops game tonight?  Which brings me to one last point…
• Beat L.A.

1. If you hear someone complaining about J.D. Drew’s lack of one of the following: heart, fire, balls, guts, spunk, moxie, grit, willingness to get his uniform dirty, pezazz, spirit, courage, fight, spine, sack, spark, pluck, nerve, gleam, sheen, get up and go, passion, fervor, or fortitude…

2. If you hear someone comparing Trot Nixon favorably to J.D. Drew…

3. If you hear someone claiming that J.D. Drew should just tough out minor afflictions such as vertigo…

…you might be listening to a moronic Red Sox fan.  You are advised to disregard whatever they say in the future as mindless drivel, and you should probably cease all future associations with this person.

Kali-Mah!

The “Man With No Heart” is now hitting .318/.417/.509 on the season.

When Tampa Bay manager Joe Maddon, down 3 runs in the second inning, had his best pitcher throw at Coco Crisp, he displayed the fundamental stupidity which likely resulted in his rejection from so many managerial jobs in the past.

Shields, who was 10th in the AL in ERA coming into yesterday’s game, was certain to be ejected after the very visible spat involving Crisp from the prior night. Not surprisingly, Tampa Bay’s bullpen couldn’t hold the line in 8 innings of work, and the Rays took the loss.

If anything, the Rays should have had the sense to retaliate in the later innings, once their ace was out of the game. But, hey, we’ll take it. We salute you, Joe Maddon. You got your revenge, you incited a brawl. The Red Sox will just have to settle for some trivial satisfaction from a few minor gains.

The win. The sweep.

First place.

And now, we wait to hear from the Commissioner’s Office, as Coco Crisp is guaranteed a vacation of probably 1 week or more for charging the mound last night.

Well, apparently MLB is trying to emulate the NFL draft in one area: the first round will probably take about 4 hours to complete. Note: this isn’t because teams are suddenly taking much longer to decide who to pick. It is because the opening rounds of the draft are now featured on national television, and they need to draw out the picks in the interest of drama. This is a new paradigm.

You see, back in my day, the entire first round would have taken about 15 minutes to complete. And it was all done in one smoke-filled room, packed elbow-to-elbow with scotch drinking, cigar smoking GMs. They would release the picks to the public by carrier pigeon, see? The pigeon would fly to the local telegraph shoppe, where the clerk would use Morse Code to relay the info to me. BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEP BEEP BEEP!!! I used to strap electrodes on my testicles just to receive the news that Boston drafted Rick Asadoorian in the first round! I would walk funny for a month after the draft! And I liked it!!!

Anyway, enough of me waxing nostalgic. With their 1st Round Pick (#30 overall), the Red Sox take Casey Kelly, a high school SS/P out of Sarasota, Florida.

Apparently he is the #20 high school quarterback in the nation, and is being courted by the University of Tennessee to be their next QB. However, the Sox have been known to throw suitcases full of money at HS draftees to encourage them to rethink their academic commitments, so I doubt this will be a problem.

This is what MLB.com has to say about the double-threat prospect:

Big and athletic, he has all the tools to play shortstop. The main question is whether he can swing the bat well enough…As a pitcher, he’s a bit raw, but has the makings of three outstanding pitches, and could be more intriguing to scouts on the mound.

Kevin Goldstein, the prospect guru at Baseball Prospectus, has high praises for the pick:

Boston finds their signability guy. He’ll get more than No. 30 money and this is a great pick at 30

Quite honestly, I have no idea how the Red Sox intend to develop Kelly (as a hitter or pitcher), so I can’t speculate on that. I’m sure we’ll learn more eventually.

With #45, the Sox take a college pitcher: Junior RHP Bryan Price from Rice University.

#77 is Delaware high school SS Derrik Gibson. At #85, they grab Stephen Fife, a right-handed pitcher from the University of Utah. At #108, it’s Notre Dame RHP Kyle Weiland. At #142, it’s Peter Hissey, a HS center fielder from Pennsylvania. At #172, they selected CF/P Ryan Westmoreland from Portsmouth, RI. At #202, they grabbed catcher Ryan Lavarnway from some safety school called “Yale” or something.